Drax the Kast (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} radanax) wrote in smilingbeef, |
Good stuff sir. A couple of things:
I think you mean 'a while' in that third paragraph; also, in the last sentence the 'which these things' is pretty awkward - do you have a rephrase you could employ there?
I won't micromanage you, but this thing could use some trimming here and there. Have you finalized it, or is it still something you'll be polishing a little more later?
I don't mean to say it's not unique and original, by the way - it really is. Also, your explication of your writing process reminds me that I used to want to do that too - I need to get on that.
I think you mean 'a while' in that third paragraph; also, in the last sentence the 'which these things' is pretty awkward - do you have a rephrase you could employ there?
I won't micromanage you, but this thing could use some trimming here and there. Have you finalized it, or is it still something you'll be polishing a little more later?
I don't mean to say it's not unique and original, by the way - it really is. Also, your explication of your writing process reminds me that I used to want to do that too - I need to get on that.
